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04 novembro, 2012

Gonzaga - de pai pra filho

Eu estava grávida, a poucos dias do nascimento do meu filho, quando ouvi a notícia da morte de Gonzaguinha. Era nova demais para entender a importância de sua obra mas ela já me tocava profundamente, e naqueles dias de angústia e esperança fiquei ainda mais triste com sua morte prematura.
Hoje, Gonzaguinha é, sem dúvida nenhuma, um de meus cantores e compositores preferidos. Se um dia eu conseguir fazer uma lista com as músicas que mais me emocionam, com certeza terei ao menos duas ou três músicas dele entre as prediletas. Sangrando me faz chorar sempre que a ouço, e não há nenhum motivo daqueles comuns, como uma grande paixão ou uma grande decepção, somente a profundidade da música mesmo, com toda a sua beleza e emoção.
Adiei a ida ao cinema para ver Gonzaga. Sabia o que me esperava, e não sabia se conseguiria aguentar a emoção que esse filme me proporcionaria. Além de Gonzaguinha, que marcou minha adolescência e o início da vida adulta, Luis Gonzaga começou a entrar em minha história quando vim morar no nordeste. Ambos, hoje, são parte de minha memória musical afetiva.
O filme toca em um tema que me é especialmente difícil. Pouco contato tive com o meu pai, e nunca consegui entender o seu distanciamento. Com minha mãe, sempre vivi momentos difíceis que só a maturidade vieram equilibrar, mas um equilíbrio fragilizado por mágoas que não se apagaram. Meu filho cresceu rápido demais e eu não consigo ainda compreender suas escolhas, apesar de tentar respeitá-las. E tudo isso dói demais. Aliás, hoje, percebi que tudo isso dói mais do que eu gostaria de aceitar.
O filme começa com um show de um Gonzaguinha triste que, após um show, se vê sozinho ao lado do cigarro e da bebida, e nada mais. Uma mulher surge e diz que seu pai precisa dele. Ele diz que não vai.
Toda a trama envolve a memória e os motivos de ambos. Por mais que justificadas, as ações magoam e não é fácil superar a dor que elas causam. Uma cena especialmente dura pra mim é quando o pai diz pro filho que nunca deixou lhe faltar nada, e o filho responde: só faltou você. Uma fala gravada em uma fita cassete de uma marca muito maior que já ia na alma de Gonzaguinha. A grande angústia é que a dor que um proporciona ao outro parece doer ainda mais em si mesmo. E tudo isso com a trilha sonora que ambos criaram ao longo de suas carreiras. Poucas vezes eu vi o cinema inteiro chorando e aplaudindo. Mais que merecido.


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